Are We Both Speaking English?


Do you ever find yourself explaining something to someone and when you’ve finished speaking they look at you as if you’d just rattled off something in fluent Japanese? So, you start over, doing your best to explain it so that they understand you, yet you still get that baffled look? Then you resort to speaking slower, as if that will make it easier for them to understand, which it won’t, by the way, it will just annoy them. Sales people are often accused of selling “their way” rather than the “customer’s way” which of course often leads to a lost sale that was more than likely salvageable had the sales person know a few neat tips.

What is usually happening here is a clash of representation systems and it causes so much unnecessary tension in all walks of life, not just our working life. There are four main representation systems and we use all of them, however there is one that we use most often and that is our main representation system.

Visual – The people who are mainly visual talk in pictures, they keep information by seeing and they tend to talk very fast. Visual people tend to be very observant.

Auditory – The people who are mainly auditory talk in sounds, they keep information by listening and talk quite fast, however not as fast as visual people. Auditory people get distracted by sounds easily.

Kinaesthetic – The people who are mainly kinaesthetic talk in feelings, they keep information by absorbing, doing, getting a feel for it and they tend to talk very, very slowly.

Auditory digital – The people who are mainly auditory digital have to have thing make sense, be logical. They make lists of things and often have a hard time getting in touch with their emotions.

Now imagine you are visual, you learn by seeing, you speak fairly fast, with clipped tones, direct and straight to the point and you have a kinaesthetic client you are hoping to do business with. How do you even know that without the above knowledge? You do your best to build up rapport, it seems to be going right, you’re painting a lovely scene for your client and s/he says: “It doesn’t make any sense to me at all, can you repeat that only a bit slower, this time?” So you duly do as requested, brightening the picture for your client, who decides s/he needs more time to get a feel for it.

Knowing your client’s representation system enables you to:

  • build rapport faster,
  • talk to them in their language,
  • if you get really good at it, bring them over to your representation system,
  • get better results.

This also applies to the people you work and live with, not just your customers. Take note of the words you use most often, are they visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, or logical? You will find you use all of them, just one type more than the others.

 

How THIN do you REALLY want to get?


If you could push a button and get all the way down to the weight you know deep down you’d REALLY like to be at, what would you weigh?

Most people “lie” to themselves when they think about how much weight they’d like to lose. They say ‘I’d like to lose 15 or 20 pounds”. But, when we get 60 pounds overweight or more, 20 pounds is barely noticeable (which is one of the reasons why we tend to keep gaining weight – adding another 5 pounds is hard to notice). BUT…

If you’d like to finally get ALLLLLL the way down to your sexiest, most confident weight – once and for all AND…

If you’d like to get my personal support to make it happen, then check this out…

For a limited time I’m offering a special “Finally Thin Forever” Coaching Session (a $100 value) for ZERO COST.

During this powerful, 1-on-1 coaching session, we’ll work together to…

  • Create a crystal clear vision for the ideal life you’ll be living in your new, slim, sexy, & confident body
  • Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your weight loss efforts and keeping you fat
  • Leave this session renewed, inspired, and ready to finally lose all the weight you want - once and for all

To claim your special “Finally Thin Forever ” coaching session today, simply email me and answer these questions:

  1. How long have you been struggling to lose weight?
  2. On a scale of zero to 10 how important is it for you to lose weight and keep it off once and for all?
  3. What have you tried doing to lose weight in the past?
  4. What happened with those approaches?
  5. What do you see as your biggest challenge with weight loss?

Be sure to include your name, phone number and email address so I can get back to you within the next 24 to 48 hours to schedule your one-on-one “Finally Thin Forever.”

(Please allow up to 60-90 minutes for this coaching session.)

Email me now to claim your session today.

Warmest regards,

-Rainer

PS: The sooner you send me your answers, the more likely you are to get a session.

 

Principles of Achievement & Change (Special Inside)


Do you have something you want to change or achieve in your life? Maybe you’d like to…

  • start a business
  • find new love
  • get a new career (or a raise)
  • lose weight
  • or something else …

No matter what you’d like to change or achieve, the success principles are the same:

  1. Get clear. As specifically as possible, decide what you want. The more clear you are on what you want to have in your life, the more likely you are to achieve it.
  2. Get perspective. Most people don’t tell anyone what they want or what they are struggling with and because of that they don’t get an outside perspective.
  3. Get support. Very few people (if any) achieve anything great alone. Sports stars have teammates and coaches.
  4. Be willing to ask the people in your life to support you.

***

Special ZERO COST “Rapid Change” Coaching Session

Do you have something SPECIAL, something important for you to change? If you want to speed up your success rate, then I’d like to help you do it with a special 1-on-1 personal “Rapid Change” coaching session, via phone or Skype, where we’ll work together to…

  • Create a crystal clear vision for ‘ultimate success’ so you know exactly what you want, where you’re headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.
  • Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your ability to make changes that last or that are slowing down your progress
  • Leave this session renewed, re-energized, and inspired to finally achieve the change you seek – once and for all

If you’d like to take advantage of this very special, very limited, and totally FREE 45-60 minute “Rapid Change” coaching session, email me and answer these questions:

  1. What do you most want to change today?
  2. Have you tried to change this before?
  3. What have you attempted in the past that didn’t work?
  4. Why do you think it didn’t work?
  5. On a scale of 0-10, how important is it for you to achieve change today?
  6. What other areas of your life do you want to change (if any)?
  7. Full Name
  8. Email Address
  9. Phone number (or Skype user name)
  10. Time Zone

Check off the areas you’d most like to work on…

  • __ Business
  • __ Weight Loss
  • __ Relationship (get into one)
  • __ Relationship (improve the one I’m in)
  • __ Career Change
  • __ Parenting Challenges
  • __ Other

Since I am making this offer for the first time now and I don’t know how intense the response will be, I can’t guarantee a coaching session for everyone. I’ll take as many people as I can and then start a waiting list. You can expect to get contacted by me to schedule your session within the next 3 business days.

If you don’t hear from me, it means I’ve received more requests than I can handle now and if something opens up I’ll get in touch with you at a later time. Again, to take advantage of this offer, simply email me  and answer the questions listed above.

Warmest Regards,

- Rainer

PS: The sooner you send me your answers, the more likely you are to get a session. Contact me now.

 

Obesity and being undereducated or poor?


Statistics show that obesity is often associated with lower incomes and less education. How can we make sense of that statement?

As humans, we need basically three conditions to make sure that we feel reasonably well and our needs are not substituted with feel-good-food or by emotional eating.

1. We need to understand what is going on in our own lives

2. We need to ability to shape and influence our own lives

3. We need to be able to feel that whatever happens around us makes sense and that we have found our place in our families and in society

These three key points are the foundation of what keeps us healthy, and, ultimately, at a normal weight.

Are these three components often lacking with poorer and less educated people?

Yes, as they no longer feel that they can shape anything to their desire due to the lack of funds or the lack of being needed or the feeling of not being able to make a difference. Even managers in corporations seem to break down, fall ill or end up with depressions when their creative freedom to shape events is somehow curtailed.

Most people who ended up at the edge of society due to unemployment or poverty rarely feel that they are needed anymore; they rarely feel that they are able to make a difference in anybody’s life anymore. They also might have lost the sense of understanding on how to change their situations and what their life’s purpose might be, even though as child they, like everybody else, were hopeful that they would find a place in this life in which they would be able to bring meaning to theirs and other people’s lives. Lacking this kind of fulfillment is as if constantly living with some sort of craving and desire for something that cannot be satisfied or reached.

And this unfulfilled desire leads directly to overeating?

Especially for those who have learned as early as childhood that problems can be substituted with candy; children who fall down or cry get something sweet to ease the pain. Especially parents of poorer and lesser educated backgrounds are prime examples of customers who keep buying chocolate bars and other junk foods; they keep buying this stuff even though they actually have very little money available. But this audience is of course also very susceptible to advertising because they have had so many problems early on in their lives and have learned that they cannot really solve their problems, but rather only satisfy – and substitute – their desire for change and a better life.

So can this be considered a social problem?

Yes, in some ways these people are holding up a mirror in front of society and show where things are headed when people no longer care for one another; when people end up being labeled and stereotyped and are no longer given the room or the opportunity to make a real difference in theirs and other people’s lives. From this point of view, then, being unemployed is not so much a problem because of the lack of funds, but it becomes a huge problem because of the lack of meaning; because one can no longer contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Is this the reason weight loss classes on healthy eating don’t work so well?

To decide how to behave in certain life situations is based one’s life experiences up until now. Anyone who has learned that sweet and fatty foods will help satisfy their desires has developed an attitude like “If I am a little fat, what does it not matter?” or “The main thing to me is that it tastes good.” These attitudes are not purely cognitive, (i.e. we’re not always thinking about it), but stem from experience and conditioning. And every experience is distinguished by something that gets under one’s skin; something that is linked with a powerful feeling or emotion. Both components, the emotional and the cognitive link combined, will eventually lead to a conviction that a particular behavior is good for us, even if it is overeating bad foods.

So lecturing alone won’t help?

Exactly, because this approach won’t reach the emotional components. You cannot change an attitude by convincing people because you only reach the cognitive component; and you can not achieve change by punishing or hugging them all the time because you only reach the emotional components that way.

So what will help?

You should invite such people to encourage and inspire a new and different experience with themselves. For example, moving their bodies so that they can feel and get in touch and experience their own bodies again; or in relationships with other people, where they realize that they can actually talk with others without feeling bad or ashamed and where they feel that they can talk about problems and solutions as well. And, of course, in relationship to their role in this world and in society, where they realize that they are able to partake in shaping it and making a difference. For these steps to work, nutritional counseling alone is far from being enough. It sometimes takes the help of a psychotherapists or a life coach.

Some might ask: Why won’t big people achieve this by themselves? They only need to get their act together.

This is the talk of the educated middle class, which itself had enough opportunity to take responsibility for their own lives and have thus learned that they can make it. But for those who are are used to not being able to succeed in anything and those who didn’t have any positive experience in changing themselves and those who were ridiculed at their whole life – how can they possibly have an experience of taking on self-responsibility? For these people the cognitive and emotional reasoning is so strongly developed and intertwined that breaking through and letting go of their substitute behavior of overeating is rather difficult.

So we need a new approach towards helping people lose weight?

What we need is another relationship culture at home, at school, at work and in our communities. If our living together becomes so empowered that everybody can find their place in society and recognizes themselves as valuable to other people, we wouldn’t have many obesity problems. I am firmly convinced of this.

 

 

Nine Mistakes When Setting Goals


Do You Make These 9 Mistakes When You Set Goals?

By Henrik Edberg

“Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” ~Seneca

Having goals is important because they map out a direction in your life, they challenge you to grow and over time they can help you achieve things that you at one point may have seen as just impossible. Setting personal goals is important because if you don’t then you’ll probably spend a lot of time working to fulfill the goals of others.

Here are a few problems I’ve run into and mistakes that I’ve made while setting goals.

1. Not writing your goals down.

If you don’t write you goals down you will have a hard time to keep them in mind. It will be unnecessarily difficult keep your focus on what you want instead of all the random things that show up in your day-to-day life.

If you write them down then it will be easier to remember. It will also often be easier to describe and develop the goals and to find more goals if you use writing and not just your mind. Writing you goals down can bring clarity to what you actually want.

2. Not having a system for remembering them.

Writing your goals down is a good start. But to keep them in mind beyond the first few days after set them you need a system. Otherwise it’s likely that you’ll veer off course and forget about your goals for days or weeks. And then you’ll have start over.

One way to remember your goals each day is to use external reminders. You can, for instance, write your goals on a piece of paper and put it where you can’t avoid seeing it. Examples of such places are your bathroom mirror, fridge or computer. You can read more about this in How to Keep Yourself on Track: Using External Reminders.

3. Not reviewing and rewriting your goals often enough.

This one is more about your journey towards a goal than setting the goal. But it’s closely related to the previous mistake so I’ve decided to include it.

Short written reminders are great for remembering your goals. But from time to time you’ll also need to check your goals and see where you stand. And then you may need to adjust your goals depending on what has happened and what you have learned so far. Reviewing your goals regularly can also give you a helpful dose of motivation when you feel that you are having hard time staying on track.

How often should you check and rewrite you list of goals? Well, I guess there are many different answers for that question.

But the more you do it the sharper and more refined your focus and goals are likely to be. An experienced self-improvement speaker like Brian Tracy often suggests that you go so far as to review and rewrite your goals every morning.

If there is nothing to adjust, write it down anyway. Writing it down will make a bigger impression on your mind than just thinking about it. And each time you do that the importance of your goal will be reinforced in your mind. To actually remember to do this, use an external reminder like for instance a calendar.

4. Setting goals you don’t really feel for/are interested in.

What are your goals? This is crucial. As much as possible, you have to set the goals for yourself.

Should and ought to-goals isn’t good enough. Or goals that other’s have set for you. Or other people’s goals.

Think about your goals. Think about who has set them. Then think about what you really want in life. Then set your own goals.

It has to be your goals and you have to have a real interest in them to increase your chances to meet them. Plus, when it’s your own goals instead of ones imposed upon you the journey towards them becomes a lot more enjoyable. And so, everyday life – the bulk of your life – becomes more enjoyable.

5. Not setting clear goals.

Make the goals specific, measurable and think about them in present tense.

Don’t go for more visitors for your website or just for running more. Go for a thousand visitors a day or running for 20 minutes three times a week. The more detailed picture you have of where you want to go, the more likely you are to actually get there.

If you don’t make your goals measurable then how will you know when you have achieved them? You will never be done with the goal of “making more money”. But you’ll know when you have achieved a goal of “earning 5000 dollars a month”.

The goals you think about and write down have to be in present tense too. Not: I will run for 20 minutes three times a week. You have to write: I run for 20 minutes three times a week.

Why? Well, your subconscious mind needs clear direction of what is to be achieved. If you put your goal in an “I will…” form you mind will always strive to bring the goal of running into your life sometime in the future. It will always be out of reach. To actually bring the goal into your life, into the present moment, you have to write it down in present tense.

6. Not setting deadlines.

Setting deadlines for yourself can be useful to actually finish something. If you don’t you’ll probably spend a lot of time procrastinating and getting things almost done.

When setting deadlines it’s helpful to give yourself some wiggle room. If you’re doing a project at work or in school set a deadline with a bit of margin. If something goes wrong, which it often does, or something unexpected comes up you’ll still have time to get it done.

Plus, we often have problems estimating how much time a task or project needs. So don’t let your first enthusiasm do all the thinking. Setting totally unrealistic deadlines won’t save you time. You’ll just be forced to go back after you’ve passed the deadline to fix all those mistakes you made while hurrying and being stressed out.

7. Not making a plan.

For some goals you just need to write a 1000 words a day or run for 20 minutes a day. But even then you probably need a small plan to find free time in your schedule. For other goals you need a more elaborate plan. In those cases I think that it’s good to do a bit of research and educate yourself before making the plan.

Just a bit of research can help you solve or avoid problems along the way. Do some Googling. Ask someone who has been where you want to go where they ran into difficulties and what tips they can share. Educating yourself can help you save time, money and energy. And help you avoid anxiety and frustration.

When you are writing your plan make it practical and specific. And write down actions you can start taking today to get going on your journey towards that goal. It’s useful to always write down small, practical steps you can take so you know what to do next.

But don’t plan so much that you never get started. There is no perfect plan. Things will probably not go as planned. Unexpected things will happen and you will have to adjust your plan to keep yourself on course. Adjusting your plan once in while can also allow you to find a better, easier and more enjoyable path to where you’re going.

8. Not reviewing previous failures.

Failures can be useful to learn something about yourself and the world. If you review your failures you can get a hang of where your weaknesses lie. Where you are likely to run into problems?

If you identify such weak points in yourself you can be ready for when they may strike and lessen the blow. Or you can start looking for solutions to avoid at least some of the trouble spots along the way towards your goal.

An example: you realize that a few days after setting goals you often seem to forget about them. One solution could then be to learn to use external reminders to keep your mind on track.

9. Not keeping your focus in the right place.

Sometimes it can better to focus on the process and not an outcome in the form of a distant, future goal. Instead of setting a goal that you will lose 10 pounds by December 31 and making intricate plans to get there you can set a goal to do 20 minutes of anaerobic exercise each day (walking, swimming, running etc.).

And then just do it. Don’t think, just go, go out and do your exercise.

Sometimes can be useful to set a very simple goal where you focus on the present and not some distant goal. If you exercise every day there will be less room for your mind to find great excuses to slack off and procrastinate until December 21.

And if you have a goal where you can just go and do it, where there is little to think about you’re less likely to be drawn into the trap of over-thinking. As soon as you start to over-think things there’s a big chance that you will start to hold yourself back in different ways.

 

Things to Consider When Looking Into Life Coaching


1. Life coaching by-the-hour is a complete waste of your time and your money; there’s simply no way that an issue that is pervasive enough to need life coaching can be resolved in an hour or a few numbers of sessions. Any problem that can be resolved in an hour or two with a tool or a tactic is not a problem for life coaching! My life coaching provides real value to you – and I am proud of the impact life coaching had on my clients so far.

2. There are many success trainers telling you what worked for them and they are selling your their ideas. But that’s the problem – it’s THEIR ideas! How can their ideas work for you? Life coaching is different. It enables you to come up with what works for YOU. You’ll get the support, accountability and awareness you’ll need to take the next step in your life! Totally personal, as you are the expert of your own life – and I am the expert of the coaching process!

Having said that, have you considered working with a motivational life coach? Do you want to do something different to achieve something new NOW?

Start working with me as your coach and unleash your potential! Remember: Your first 60-90 min life coaching consultation is always free of charge – even if you decide not to go forward with me as your coach.

So, if there’s only one thing I could help you with in the next six months, what would it be…?

Contact me to get started!

 

Use Those Longer Evenings


If you lead an active outdoor life you will think of the September dusk as coming too early and making your evenings shorter. If you spend much of your time indoors you will see them as longer evenings.

The hours of darkness are the same for everyone. It is only your perception of them that is different.

Rainer A. Rohde is a motivational life and business coach with a practice in Norman, Oklahoma. He says: “No two people see the world in exactly the same way. The art of achieving success in life is to make sure that you see every challenge or opportunity in its most positive light – and this is a great time of year to start doing this.”

In a few one-hour telephone conversations, at weekly intervals, Rainer invites his clients to check where they are now and where they want to be in the future. Together they create a strategy for getting to where they want to be and define the actions that will produce the desired results.

He is quick to point out that the coach is simply the catalyst. It is the client who makes the decisions and the commitment. For a great many, the weekly reporting back of progress is the spur that keeps them on target.

Rainer suggests that many of us are too busy working at earning a living to actually take time out for living fully. He begins by asking a client, ‘What would you choose to do in your life if you could do absolutely anything with no limitations, no prospect of failure and no accountability to anyone?’

He is no longer surprised when clients answer this innocent question with a long list of what they don’t want to do.

“It seems to be a natural reaction”, he says. “I don’t let them off the hook that easily. I listen and keep returning to the positive side of the question. Eventually I will get them to admit to themselves, and often this is for the first time, what it is that they really want to do.”

Coaching is a painless procedure that seeks to cut limitations, ensure success and allow people to take personal responsibility for their own lives. Rainer again: “Some clients are amazed at how liberated they feel when they realize that they can and should take control over their own lives. Too many just go with the flow and respond to the pressures of what others think they should do. With coaching they can change from this ‘victim’ mentality to one of ‘victor’ thinking. And anyone can do it.”

Rainer is always happy to discuss this or other aspects of his approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. He can be contacted during usual office hours on Tel +1 (405) 310-8609 or via email at rainer@rainerrohde.com.

 

Your Fall Tune-Up


If you own a car, boat or aeroplane you will be well aware of the need for regular servicing, maintenance and a routine tune up.

Engineers have an adage. ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. This may hold good for a while but you know, in your heart of hearts, that if you ignore some basic requirements it will break and probably do so at a time that is inconvenient at best and dangerous at worst.

Rainer Rohde, a professional life and business coach in Norman, Oklahoma, explained this to us recently. He was telling us about a new service that he offers his clients. “Even my long term clients, who already know how coaching can transform their lives, sometimes need a ‘tune up’ after a few months. For people who haven’t yet experienced the amazing results of coaching, this new tune up service offers a valuable introduction to the coaching process.”

In a few one-hour telephone or Skype conversations, at weekly intervals, Rainer invites his clients to review where they are now and where they want to be in the future. Together they create a strategy for getting to where they want to be and define the actions that will produce the desired results.

He is quick to point out that the coach is simply the catalyst. It is the client who makes the decisions and the commitment. For a great many, the weekly reporting back of progress is the spur that keeps them on target.

Rainer returns to the engineering analogy again. “After a long summer, machinery is probably needing a good lubrication, a removal of accumulated debris and attention to the ravages of long, sunny days. Autumn is a great time for human engineering too. As the evenings grow darker and there are fewer outdoor distractions it is all too easy to lapse into evenings in front of the television. I just invite my clients to spend a few minutes a day on their own tune up needs. They are then better equipped to face any challenges that come their way and to create great new opportunities for themselves”.

Rainer is always happy to discuss this or other aspects of his approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. He can be contacted 24/7 by email at rainer@rainerrohde.com or by phone  +1 (405) 310-8609 during usual business hours.

A short summary of what Self-Esteem is


Self-efficacy and self-respect are the pillars of healthy self-esteem; absent either one, self-esteem is impaired.

Self efficacy generates the sense of having control over your life — not being a passive spectator and a victim of events.

Self-respect enables a benevolent, no neurotic sense of community with other individuals, the fellowship of independence and mutual regard — not alienated estrangement or mindless submergence.

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience yourself as competent to cope with the challenges of life and as deserving of happiness.

~Dr. Nathanial Branden

Time To Relax

xThose hazy, lazy days of summer – weather permitting – are ideal times for doing nothing, either on an annual holiday or at weekends.

And yet, for all too many of us, we are so used to absorbing information, working against the clock, commuting and just dealing with life that we are unable to totally unwind or relax.

According to Rainer Rohde of Norman, relaxation is a skill that can be learned just like any other.

He goes even further: “It is more than a skill, it is a natural state, that is why we are called human beings instead of human doings.”

Rainer is a life coach and tells us that many of his clients initially contact him with a feeling that ‘life should be better than this’. During their very first coaching session, it transpires that their life could indeed be better. These same clients are surprised when he suggests that they could achieve more by doing less.

Rainer Rohde again. “If you constantly keep a muscle under tension or strain it will ache and eventually fail. It needs periods of rest to remain in good working order. This holds true for your entire being – your mind, body and spirit. You must take time out to relax.”

According to Rainer, relaxation does not mean lazing on a settee watching television. He claims that this can be the exact opposite of relaxation, especially if the programs are full of bad news, violence or crime. He says: “My approach to helping clients relax is to show them how to switch off completely, how to do nothing except enjoy their ‘now’ moments and how to let go of the many thoughts that may intrude.”

Many coaching clients are amazed how easy this is. They wonder that nobody ever explained this to them before. They are even more surprised when they discover how their energy levels are higher after proper relaxation. Rainer recommends daily meditation too. He teaches his clients some very simple and enjoyable techniques that they can use at any time.

Rainer is always happy to discuss this or other aspects of his approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. He can be contacted during usual office hours on Tel (405) 213-2461 or via email at rainer@rainerrohde.com.